The Love of My Life

This is Thomas. He was my baby brother who took his life at the all too early age of 16 years old. Thomas suffered from depression, that eerie word that people not dare speak aloud, lest they be harshly judged or deemed insane by the rest of society. His death was the greatest tragedy I've ever experienced personally, and I would never, ever wish that kind of pain on a single soul. Thomas was, and still is, the love of my life. To this day, I have never loved another person to the height and depth that I love him. When Thomas arrived in my life, when I was just 10 years old, my life shifted, even though I had no idea it was happening at the time. His birth created a new depth of meaning in my life, and from then on I lived in such a way that I would always be a good example, the best example, for him.

When he died, I felt like I'd failed him- as a sister, as a family member, as someone who cared about him deeply. When we hear about grief, the amount of guilt that follows the death of a loved one is often unmentioned, but yes, I felt immense guilt for not doing more to help him. However, coming back to that previously mentioned, ominous word called depression, I also understand that because of the stigma around mental health issues, those who struggle with them don't always share the depths of their pain with the ones closest to them, and in turn don't get the help that they need. Such was Thomas' struggle. We all knew he was struggling, but he was also so good at laughing things off, at being the goofiest, funniest, and kindest person to be around. I think that was in part because he didn't want to burden others with his problems.

Before Thomas died, creating this clothing company was his dream. He had created designs, made a logo, and given it a name. Love Makes You was his idea from the beginning, and I find it imperative to get that point across in order to honor his memory. In his 16-year old mind, love made you stupid, love made you crazy- love sucked basically. He was a teenager who struggled in romantic relationships, so it doesn't surprise me that he came to this conclusion, but he failed to realize that love also creates all the blessings and joy we experience, it connects us to everyone and everything around us. To me, love is like this giant web of beauty and connection that sustains all of life and brings the only real meaning we'll ever know. Love makes and sustains us all. Without my intense love for him, this company would never have been born, and without our love for ourselves and each other, life would be completely empty and hollow.

This post is about Thomas and the tragedy of his untimely death, but it's also about love, and inspiring hope for those who've lost their connection, lost their understanding of who and what they truly are. The name of this company explains it pretty simply- love makes you. Love makes us strong and resilient and beautiful and powerful, but it is also the fabric that weaves us into being, and connects us all to one another. I don't know if he realized it at the time, but I feel as though he put the answer to his own struggle and of so many like him, in one simple phrase. When we remember to be love, to give love and receive love, we are reconnecting with our own purpose and meaning for even being alive! This seems to be the meaning and purpose that so many have lost and are now struggling to get back- aka depression.

I have often wondered why the rates of depression and suicide have continued to skyrocket over the past couple of decades, and when I look at it from this perspective, it's no wonder that we struggle so much to stay mentally healthy. We isolate ourselves from the people closest to us, seeing the world through a screen, not knowing our neighbors or coworkers, never stepping foot outside, living lives that we aren't genuinely happy with, and taking a pill expecting it to take care of everything. That isn't to say that I don't think modern medicine can be hugely beneficial for some people, but I don't think just popping a pill is going to solve all our problems either. We need each other! We need loving connection and we need meaningful relationships to maintain an optimal sense of self-worth and purpose in being here. We need to be able to share our struggles without the fear of burdening people. We need to be able to seek help without the shame or stigma attached to it. We need to normalize the struggle of mental health that most people deal with at some point in their lives. We need to know, without a shred of doubt, that we're not alone.

Love Makes You was born from the ashes of Thomas' painful struggle, and is meant to help alleviate the stigma around mental health issues, so that the ones we love don't have to suffer alone; it's meant to bring mental health services and resources to those who need them most; and hopefully it inspires people to love and support one another, because as Thomas so perfectly put it, love makes you.