Mental Resilience & Owning Your Story

“My parents really set me up for failure.”

“People who grew up with money have it so easy.”

“Maybe if my dad had been around I wouldn’t be chasing after emotionally unavailable people.”

“I wish I didn’t come from a broken family. Now I’ll never know what a healthy family dynamic looks like...”

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How often have you had similar thoughts to these, deciding that you were just dealt the wrong cards in life?

Do you ever look at your life and the hand you were given, wishing it had been easier, or more fair, or just less toxic and broken?

I know I have. I certainly haven’t had the easiest life and nothing has ever been handed to me; however, I also know that I have a lot more than a lot of other people and am incredibly blessed in so many ways. Things could always be better, but they could also always be worse. That is the nature of things, of life- striking the dynamic balance between struggle and ease, comfort and pain, joy and sorrow. No one is guaranteed a perfect life (even the ones that seem perfect, never are), so part of being human is learning to flow with the ever-evolving nature of existence, and respond to our circumstances in a way that is empowering, enlightening, uplifting and nourishing for us.

Often times when we don’t know how to cultivate mental resilience, we take on a defeatist attitude and decide that life is just too hard and it is our parents’ fault, or the circumstances' fault, or the fault of our upbringing, or of our demographic and the fact that we fall into the categories of the historically victimized and marginalized (woman of color, anyone?!)…

Sometimes life just sucks and we need to acknowledge that fact. Sometimes it’s confusing and unfair and downright painful, and being able to acknowledge that and feel the emotions that come along with it is absolutely necessary. Mental resilience isn’t about putting on a good face, and pretending you aren’t as hurt or upset as you are, it isn’t about telling yourself positive affirmations until you’re blue in the face and convincing yourself that everything is fine when, deep down, it really isn’t. Mental resilience is firstly about acknowledging your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them, because as uncomfortable or unseemly as they may be, they are completely and totally valid and must be felt in order to be released. And, when we let ourselves feel these emotions (or, as Dr. Joe Dispenza calls it, “energy-in-motion”), we can even learn to channel this energy to fuel the fire of our resilience, rather than allowing it to suck us down into further despair.

Secondly, mental resilience is about having enough self-awareness and self-love to decide that you want to create something different for yourself and your life moving forward. It is about moving from a place of victimhood, to a place of radical responsibility where you become the author and owner of your unique and sovereign story, where you take your power back and you decide what you want your story to look like. I’m not saying it’s an easy process by any means, and because of the inequitable constructs inherent in our society and culture today, it will most certainly be more difficult for some people than others; however, there is a profound truth that resonates at the core of every human life, and that is that you are solely responsible for your own life. You are the director, you are in the driver’s seat holding the keys, you are the decider, dictator, and definer of your own destiny, and your life is never the responsibility of anyone or anything else but you. And once you realize that you have all the responsibility, you’ll also come to find that you have all the power, too, and that can be very exciting and empowering if you let it be.

Taking radical responsibility for yourself and your life can also be incredibly anxiety-provoking, nerve-wracking, and downright terrifying for some people, and for those who feel that way, I’d just like to ask you one question-

Who will be more consistent in your life, more committed to your dreams, goals and desires, more connected to your soul’s unique purpose, and more understanding of what’s best for you than you? I doubt there is a single person out there who knows you better or has your best interest in mind more than you do, and so, who better to wield this newfound power and responsibility than you?

Don’t worry- you were born for this.